You don’t quite know why the word ‘surgery’ sends chills of fear coursing through you. Or why your mind is always dashing to paint up unpleasant outcomes. You have never really thought about where it all came from. But that fear and distrust have been there for as long as you can think of. They are deeply embedded in you and, even though you have never really tried to eject them, you are mostly sure that you will not succeed at it.
You like to explain that fear and distrust as the product of costs of surgical procedures, and the capabilities of medical professionals. Yet, deep within you, you know that a few thousand Naira is nothing, to you, compared to the relief and happiness a healthy life will bring you. You are also aware of the many success stories around you.
You even have the rough data, that for every one unsuccessful surgical procedure, there are more than a thousand successful ones.
That data is on repeat in your subconscious. However, it is muted by the loudness of your fear and distrust. And you don’t like to acknowledge the other thing happening there; the continuous chatter of unproven authorities. A lot of times, you find it simply unbelievable, and want to scream about, what these environmental voices keep saying. Like what do they mean by “you don’t have faith, if you need the help of a surgeon for what others have gotten naturally, or under very minimal medical supervision.”? And what does gratitude for what is, have anything to do with the desire for improvements, or something entirely different and better?
Nevertheless, you keep listening to them talk. Sometimes, pointedly at you, such that you stop short in the middle of a defense, to affirm yourself and remind yourself that you are confident and others consider you confident too, so this is not your insecurity speaking, but outside voices who only want to bully you into conformity. And you cannot conform, because you are one of those who came to have life to the full.
These are the reasons Bisola endured the dissatisfaction of living in a body she didn’t admire, far longer than she should have.
During the period, every flash in front of a mirror presented her a reminder of what she wanted, but was held back from having. The same applies to every call, at work, to take up the floor and shine.
She always tried to put her opportunities to good use, nonetheless she knew that a flatter stomach, a thinner upper arm and fuller lips will make her present her points better, because then she will not be distracted by how her body presented itself.
Still, she lived like that until her daughter arrived with a hole in the heart, and her maternal instinct ignored everything that was not tangible help. That way, she faced and invalidated her fear and distrust, and left the debate room, after experiencing the expertise and professionalism of the medical personnel who cared for her new born, along with seeing the financial implication of that care. It is the success of that surgery on her fragile gift, that get all the credits, on how Bisola finally arrived at presenting her body the way she really feels inside.