To My Friend Who Is Out To Find Love This Year.

Our long night in the outdoors, talking under the star-studded sky, has been on my mind, ever since. It is one of the most beautiful pictures in my head. The sound of your soft, yet happy laughs, keep ringing in my ears. And that white dress you wore was the perfect one, and the perfect entrance that changed the ambience of the space. I was happy to see you, and hear you speak honestly, and at length, to me.

My skin, thoroughly, enjoyed that 2am dip in the pool. Our wine choices was also perfect. The way I have condensed it into a two-minutes clip, that I can upload and replay at will, is, two girls up at a rooftop poolside, wining and dining, talking and laughing, receiving strengths from each other, enjoying a bird’s eye view of Lagos’ affluent neighborhood, counting and naming stars, waking up to the smell of breakfast from a kind chef, and parting at an intersection with the promise to go after what they want.


This is what I want, my dear friend. Along with the castle full of toys and peace, I told you about, and the advancement of my career, I so deeply desire, I want you to find what you have launched out to seek: Love in its purest form. Pleasant and satisfying. Delicious to the tongue. Eternal in length.

Will you hold these to your heart, as you set out, my dear?

  • Your goal is valid. Loving and being loved in return is a necessary human need. And pretending that it isn’t, or that one does not have need of it, does not diminish its importance. What is life, anyway, without the love of someone who is your own, at a level nobody else is? Acknowledging and prioritizing your need for love, and committing time and effort to meet that need, makes you a hero in my eyes.
  • The love of another, tastes better as a second course, after self-love has been had and relished. So, wake up everyday with love and appreciation for yourself. Take breaks to see yourself, both your old aspects and the new you, which has grown out of spent time and new experiences here. Let the parts of you, you think are imperfect, receive your care and grace, and above all, your praise for how they contribute in making you a master-crafted art piece. How else will you know it is love, for self, if there is nothing challenging it?
  • Romance novels have a point. It is how the writer wants to be loved. It is also how ardent readers want to be loved. They may deny it. But it is true. As you may have determined how you want to be loved, insist on it and nature will match you up with someone who wants to love the way you want to be loved.
  • Live like yourself. Not who you think they want. Laugh when you want to. Cry when you want to. Put on what you want and take a stroll, eating food from roadside vendors. Or wear a dress and glittery heels, and choose to be chauffeured to a high-end restaurant. Do not asphyxiate yourself under the weight of lobbying for someone’s love. Rather, give yourself the opportunity to be known and loved, or to be left alone for the right person.
  • Take risks. It may look like getting on a flight, halfway across the globe, to meet with someone you do not know what will come out of meeting them. But be cautious, informed and prepared. Still, do not get boxed by the fear of negatives that you choose to pass on every risky opportunity.
  • Make the first move, whenever you have to. Good people won’t mind. Walk away, whenever you have to. Those who want will come fast behind. Sometimes, people need a little jolt to help them see. And a little jolt to help them be.
  • Sex should be a conscious act of pleasure. Not a gift. Not a manipulative tool. Or an act of persuasion. It shouldn’t be painful. Or forced. Or wrong. Have it when you want to. Enjoy it and feel every bolt of pleasure at its peak. Satisfy yourself, thoroughly. But do not be swayed to think that, that is love, or a currency of love, or a path to love.
  • Engage with those in your DMs. They have presented themselves. Sort through for your gold.
  • Friends are also in the pool. ‘I’ve known them since forever’, is not a valid ground for disqualification. Be willing to see what is there. And stop getting in its way.
  • Not every smile is an invitation to intimacy. Some are just civility. Don’t plan the wedding yet, till they deserve you. And not every clean face is a potential mate. Don’t go searching their eyes, till they deserve yours.
  • I know I’ve talked about living like yourself, but reaching and positioning yourself for better is always an effective idea. Therefore, change where you need to. Adopt new and better ways. And become a better version of you.
  • When you go across frogs, move on quickly. You can’t change them. If you kiss any, spit out their venom. Then, swipe on your reddest red lipstick, and plaster a smile on your face. You have better people to meet.
  • Your time with Kevin may overlap with your time with Jason and Benson. Don’t sweat it. Let the best man win.
  • Having your own money is how you stay free. Fight to stay free, so you can love who you want, when you want to, and how you want to.

By the time the year comes to an end, I hope you realize that you found love, with someone, and with many others, who showed you what love is, and what it isn’t. I, also hope, you stand in front of a mirror and see what love looks like. I hope love descends and become you. I hope love wells up and burst into millions of starlight in your soul. I hope you know it, and feel it, and hold onto it, and love it. I hope you wear more beautiful white dresses, again and again. I hope to see you soon, my friend.

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