Roll out of bed. Not because you want to. But because you have to. You have to work on-site today. You can’t call in sick, again. It’d be the fourth time, if you do. You can’t do that. You need your job.
So, roll out of bed. You don’t have to make it. Who will lie on it, anyway? The smell of his perfume has long faded from your sheets. All of them. Now, all they smell of are regrets, ghosts, and memories of laughter that transitioned into moans. Such torture. To live in a house that won’t stop bringing him up.
The mirror; replaying an image of him in his favorite black shirt. The shower; letting out a deluge for two. The drawers. Don’t look in, he may still have a piece of clothing in there. But you may just go ahead, because their chatter about him is unending, anyway.
They miss him too. So let them be. His exuberance made their existence more significant. And he was a part of their lives, as much as he was yours. Now, clean yourself up. Double check on your teeth and hair. Use some mouthwash. Something good may have come out of this. Your loss of appetite and physical-training-for-emotional-healing-sessions are showing. Look at that. Just look at that. Your body is looking better than ever. Smile a little.
Put on your shoes. Get your bag. Leave the car keys, because your mind needs a few more days. Let us go. You’re doing good. Continue this way, and you may end today, without a drop of tear and sniffles.
Look out the car window. The world is living out its dreams, and doesn’t care that your heart is broken. Everywhere is busy. The sun is shinning. Cars horns are blaring. Agberos are running after commercial buses for their monies. No one cares that the love of your life left you, and you are sad.
Marketers care a lot, though…about their commission. Do not give attention to their mannequins in red dresses. It is valentine, and they’re doing their job. Convince your driver to tune out of the radio personality’s babbles on love, and connect your music app to the car, instead. Let you favorite playlist of the moment fill the air, and be surprised when your driver starts to cry.
It is a pity-party in this car. Listen with rapt attention as he tells you about the stretch of unrequited love, he’s been through. Say “wow”, when he tells you how his current interest looked past him to be with someone he introduced her to. Then, let him know he will meet someone worthy, and they will live happily ever after.
You don’t believe that, do you? But that feels good, doesn’t it? Listen as that good feeling is slowly eaten up by the darkness of grief. But snap out of it. You’ve just seen that you are not the only hurting person. Look out the window, again. People are hurting from different things. Money. Health. Toxic environments. The couple in the next car, laughing, will soon break up. He will meet someone shinier, and leave. Or she will meet someone who meets her needs a lot more, and decide to move. Either way, they will soon break up. And one of them will hurt the way you are hurting. So there’s no point wishing for what they have. What they have is what you had with him. You’re just a step ahead. They’ll soon be where you are.
That thought doesn’t feel good, at all. No one should feel this much pain. Wait. This is a start-up idea: a company that provide treatments for heartbreak.
What will that look like? Tablet or syrup? Therapy? Figure that out later. We are here. And you are late. Walk in, confidently. Enjoy the admiration of your colleagues, especially Ekeng, who likes you but is with someone else. This world is so messed up. If you encourage him, he will leave her to be with you, and she’ll hurt like you’re hurting now.
Don’t look at him. Take a seat. Mutter an apology, and get into it. If you can only keep your mind from wondering to your ex, till the meeting is over, you will be fine. You’ve got this. Just listen and contribute. Listen and contribute. Listen and contribute.
Hold on! Hold on! Don’t spill out on the floor. You should have known, that the world is drunk on valentine, and your company must have a share of all that spending. No. No. No. No. Don’t melt down. Smile and nod. Support good ideas. Smile some more. Resist the urge to scream when others give a peak into their valentine’s day plans. Be happy for them. Genuinely, happy for them.
Wish the day was a public holiday. And ask if everyone can log off a little early. Do so with a steady voice. Be happy the meeting is over. Plaster a permanent smile on your face, till your drive-home arrives.
Get in and draw out a long breath. Do not cry. Big girls don’t cry. Do not snap. It is not your driver’s fault, your ex left. Don’t throw your phone out the window. Just close Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. You may uninstall them till later, and read books instead. Not romance novels, obviously.
It is valentine morning, get out of bed. Stop starring at the ceiling and get up. This time last year…no, don’t think about that. Regret will get you no where. And what he’s doing at the moment is none of your business.
Log into work, and work. Reply those emails. Clean your inbox. Drink tea. Drink coffee. Drink water. Drink.
Why don’t you order yourself some flowers. That’s self-love right there. Order yourself an elegant bouquet of roses. Buy chocolate, and lingerie, and wine too. Light yourself some scented candles. Get pizza.
This is a good time to masturbate. Log off and get it. Get it good. Yeah. You should probably go out, tonight. Wear something cute and go out. Visit the famous bar, you’ve been thinking of checking out.
Dance. Laugh. Talk. Take in all the fun your hand can gather. Say goodnight and get home safe.
You can cry now. It is so quiet in here. Where did all the happiness go? Certainly not with your ex. So do not text or call him. Do not call Davidson; the rebound guy, either. Call your mum, sister, or friends. Talk until sleep sweeps you away. If they do not answer, because they are valentining, tuck yourself in front of TV, tune to a news station and watch other chaoses happening in the world. You will be fine.